A little real time blogging because I need to go there....
Today was a hard day for me. Not hard as in I struggled physically just hard because of what it was. Today we took family pictures, not any family pictures, but family pictures with a reason. Monday we received some news that has changed the path of my family forever.
Those who know me know my coping mechanisms are 1) humor and when that doesn't work hiding (and some would say sarcasm too). So when my sister called on Wednesday to ask a favor I said yes and immediately called Leah to ask her do take 'cancer pictures' for us. Knowing me she laughed and asked what was up...so I told her.
Damn it..not again...not my freaking family AGAIN but yes cancer has found its way into our world for a second time and I am angry.
So today she took our cancer pictures. Those pictures you take because you know life is about to change. Good or bad it won't ever be the same. We are a family forever changed. The same cancer pictures we had taken years ago now need to be replaced with new ones. Sadly, Poppy isn't a fan of pictures in general so it always takes some sort of motivator. (and like me, today he is still angry, but doesn't care enough to hide it and I don't blame him. The one thing
i've learned as a parent is even when your kids are grown you still hate when life throws them on an uncertain path..its okay he's mad because it means he cares)
Only this time with cancer, we're experienced and angry which is a bad combination. I have no doubt that just like last time we'll put cancer in its place. That as long as we're together in this crazy world we're good. We're a family, not without faults but together we can take on anything and win.
Knowing why we had the pictures taken, the fact that as of last Monday we were all shoved into this world of treatment options and plans of attack, knowing that even if you wanted to go something like this alone, in our family you aren't given the option. I was not super excited to take these pictures. I mean I was totally
ok with the last cancer pictures and never having to feel obligated to replace them...but I didn't get my way on this one...
So when I saw these pictures...
my perspective on the cancer pictures changed.
These aren't pictures we took because its now or never.
You aren't looking at a family of sufferers or victims... you are looking at a family of survivors.
This picture is a vision of strength and togetherness and love. My family, for better or worse.
My dad, stoic and centered. My mom, emotional and vulnerable. You see my sisters quiet strength and she's the total realist and then there's me the eternal optimist and more emotional then I like to admit. We're survivors. We've found love in each other and those lucky few who we've chosen to invite in.
After
Poppys last soiree with death Rick has been the rock and now he has a new dude to share that burden with, Bob who has come to the fold unexpectedly but filled this hole we didn't know we had. He's a welcome addition and my kids LOVE him.
Then the kids who each have their own role in our world and make everything okay. Better than okay because each of their 5 personalities couldn't be any more different but make us who we are. They are the center of our world.
So when I hid myself in my house all week trying to find my happy place I had no idea I would be so struck by love just from looking at a picture. That 10 people could revolve around each other so effortlessly. How we can fight (and we do A LOT) and love so passionately. How without each other cancer would win every time but together it doesn't stand a chance.
Friends, both near and far, I ask you for your prayers.
Prayers for peace and strength to fight this battle. As we stand in on this new path knowing it is Gods plan all along, I ask you to pray we continue to know we have His grace and because of that we are okay. That cancer might suck the life out of most people but for us it does the opposite.
We thrive and we live and we love.
Cancer...you picked the wrong family. We've been there and we won and we'll win again.
We're strong and emotional and passionate about each other. We love hard and a lot and though we might not always show it we're a team. A family meeting, phase 10 playing, Sunday dinner eating team and we don't plan on changing that.
In honor of the battle
Bellabowz will be releasing a new Breast Cancer Awareness line in February 2011. ALL proceeds will be donated in honor of my favorite sister to the Susan B
Komen foundation. Because we know we can fight for her together but we want a CURE so no one else has to worry about fighting at all.
"
Sometimes grace manifests as synchronicity-its energy brings together people or events in a soothing, helpful, or dramatic way when you most need it and least expect it. At other times grace is the energy that suddenly illuminates us with understanding, allowing us to see what we had not been able to grasp before. Grace can also lift us into an altered state of consciousness in which we feel suffused by an unfamiliar energy -an indescribable combination of love, hope, and fearlessness." ~Caroline Myss
* MANY MANY thanks to Leah of
Leah Minogue Photography for dropping her schedule and taking these for me and my family. You're the best friend a girl could ask for. I love you and my family loves you. You've given us an incredible gift and we are forever in your debt. It will never be enough but thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
