Real Time Blogging- July 23, 2012- 6 years of Annelise

Another year, another anniversary, another day without our girl. This year has been the easiest yet. The meltdowns are few and far between and at some point I figured out my testimony and how it came from Annelise and the experience.  A huge positive in the midst of a not so happy moment. While July is still not my favorite time of year this year it was not overtaken by my usual funk. It's been full of celebrating. Life, the kidlets, their sweet friendships and mine. It has been good to us.

After attending a women's conference at our church I was given a prophetic message, and well, it had everything to do with using your experiences with your gifts to share your story. It turns out its not a funny joke that women are compelled to share their stories with me. That I somehow end up being a sounding board for others grief, loss, struggles is part of my bigger picture. I never understood before. I just thought I had "one of those faces" where people thought telling me their life in the checkout line at wal-mart was a good idea.

That's where my story turns into my testimony and I can honestly say " I totally know where you are at. Here is my story of how I lost my sweet girl but found an amazing God. A God who is good even among our struggles and a God who I choose to worship in the darkest times because He is the light I crave. 

It doesn't undo the pain i feel at the loss of Annelise. It does however bring me joy to know without her I wouldn't be who I am today.

It gives me joy to be able to know I have a voice and a story to help others. A pathway started by my girl and her Father.

We speak openly about Annelise and her story. Pierce is still a little young but Bella gets it. She knows her sisters testimony and how she changed who we are today. She also knows Annelise is watching over us all and helping keep us safe. Our very own angel. 

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What  can mere man  do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

An Angel Never Dies

Don't let them say I wasn't born,

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,

It doesn't mean I'm gone,

This world was worthy, not of me,

God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,

What you are forced to face.

You have my word, I'll fill your arms,

Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be,

God doesn't make mistakes,"

But that won't soften your worst blow,

Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,

Another child you'll bear,

Believe me when I say to you,

That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,

When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips,

And then you'll understand.

Although I've never breathed your air,

Or gazed into your eyes

That doesn't mean I never "was"

An angel never dies.

 

We will always love you,

Mom, Dad, Bella Grace, Pierce and Knox

Thank you for watching over our precious family on earth.

Bella's day with Alayna

Cousin Alayna is Bella's most favorite person in the world. She'll pick 'layna' over me and Rick any day...so sad. So Bella was ecstatic to have 'layna' to herself ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT and ALL WEEKEND until Sunday. She is one happy girl.

Happy Good Friday photo shoot!

Then it was off to Little Gym! I was especially grateful for Alaynas visit because chasing after Bel today was making me nervous. I'm just too pregnant for all that running around!

Waiting to go in...
She was more than a little jealous Berkley was getting some of Alaynas attention:)

Bubbles!

Sharing with Alayna...


Walking the big beam..and yes at some point I so called my kid by Alayna's name:) Blame pregnancy brain!



Then she had a go at the little beam.

Jumping/dancing today...


So we came home for nap time and we all needed it! I dropped Bel off and Alayna and I headed to pick up some treats for Easter and a quick run to the grocery store. I am OFFICIALLY nesting...yep. Even though I ordered adorable chick pops from Milla's mom for Sunday(pictures to come) I still made Italian Cream cupcakes and a batch of shortbread cookies. So much for resting...and well..it only gets worse:) delivery is the only cure to my baking!

After nap time Bella, the best duck mommy ever, went to check on her friends. She 'dressed up' for the occasion:) I think its time for another haircut!

Then she and Alayna vegged out to watch some TV...

I did get a prize in the mail today! My new sling for Pierce. I wanted one for when Bel was tiny, before she could fit in the bjorn, but never got around to it. So when this one was on www.babysteals.com for more than 50% off I got myself a prize!

So i was dying to try it out...and well Phoebe is about the size of a newborn...
Phoebe was actually pretty content...poor cat. Gus got a reprieve...he had to try out the bjorn when we got that:)

and after a yummy dinner of chicken & rice ( we were all in the mood for some comfort food) and a bath Bella was in rare form...or I would say rare but lately she is pretty goofy all the time! I am SO SO LOVING this age!



excuse Dyson and all the toys...life in general is chaos but today Dyson was extra hungry so Bella fed him a family size bag of Cheerios on my living room floor:) I think there are a few errant cherrios under the couch so Dyson will have to return tomorrow for 'breakfast'!

Tales from Time-Out

Since starting the whole 'discipline' thing...well...it kind of sucks around here.

Remember my sweet lil' cupcake and how she learned the word 'mean'. Well she has NO ISSUE screaming it as she sits in her little spot in time-out. " Mean mama MEAN" Yet she sits. She screams. Sometimes she even tries sneaking away. I say sneaking because she crawls...very quietly until she can't help but giggle at her own genius.

She still doesn't get that just because she can;t see me doesn't mean I can't see her.

So I put her back on her 'time out spot' and she finally sits for her minute. What seems like the longest minute ever. A really really long minute.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.


Rick laughs..silently of course...but he still laughs. Of course he isn't the 'mean' one.

I think day 3 is going to be our turning point. She gets it. Now I can say ' you aren't listening...would you like to go to time-out' and she says no. She understands but damn its hard to hear 'mean mama' when she does whatever it is anyway.

It's hard to imagine your 16 month old hurting your feelings or even knowing how to. She doesn't. She just knows it will illicit a response...either way it is hard to be the 'mean mama' in this house.

Thank goodness each 'time-out' ends with a big hug and a quiet 'lub ooh' from my girl.

Hearing 'lub ooh' makes my world go round.

And I get the chance to laugh because she won't tell anyone else 'lub ooh' even if her daddy tries to bribe her...

Excuse this melt down moment...

Okay...so I have the weekend review. We had a fairly calm weekend and started Project Pierce...yes VERY similar to Operation Bella but WAY more involved and I promise no shower curtains will be harmed in Project Pierce:) it will be posted full of pictures momentarily:)( as in sometime before Wednesday)

At any rate...my melt down moment....okay it might be the hormones. Maybe. However...sob...Bella is no longer a baby. We..more sobs...went shopping and she has moved into the 18-24 month( she needs the length but the waist is HUGE. I can't wait for summer when she can wear her 12 month pants as capris) side which is no longer...sob..sob...sob in the baby department.

Rick thinks I am nuts.

He bought me a cinnamon roll to quiet the sobbing. Bella got nothing because I refuse to believe she isn't a baby anymore. Back to shopping on Ebay where there is no sales lady trying to convince me ' they all grow up sometime'. She doesn't know me. My baby Bella will always be a baby. Sob....sniffle...sigh.

Then...Rick reminded me we need to talk to Lauren about her birthday gift...HUGE SOB...and yes at this point we are working on getting to the ugly cry. However...Lauren our oldest niece will be 16 on Sunday. 16... at this point even a cinnamon roll can't stop the tears. She's all grown up. Driving. Dating. She's...sob sob sob...been asked to PROM. Prom! She is a sophomore for crying out loud. 16...and no we didn't get around to buying a gift.

See i don't think it is hormones. I think it was the crazy realization that in 15 years, Lauren's mini-me, MY Baby Bella will be 16. Dating. driving...but there is no way her daddy will let her go to prom. Sob...they grow up so fast...sob...sniffle..sigh.

$100 Hippo

So today was our big Valentines party with Mom's league and we were very excited about it. Bella even got a new special dress for the occasion. I offered to help set-up for the party and Bella and I were up and ready to go at 8:30am. Since we had some time to spare and I even put on make-up I figured it would be a good time to get some pictures!

Mommy ( 23 weeks) and Bella 14 months!

So we took a few pictures together and then tried to get a few of Bella and her dress.


Here she is running away....
and here she is after she caught sight of our neighbor pulling out of the driveway. At this point she ran down towards the street and I ran after her. Not smart because...
her toy hippo was hanging out on the sidewalk and since the belly hides my feet I fell over him and rolled down the driveway. Brilliant.

So after a quick trip to the ER and a $100 copay ( yikes) I have a lovely walking cast thing and torn ligaments. No big deal except I can't put pressure on it and the idea of chasing after Bel on crutches is a nightmare. Normally I would sit in bed and let Rick do it but he has a meeting in St. Louis and will be headed that way about 7pm. So somehow in the next 4 hours I have to figure out how to walk, use crutches, and take care of a running 14 month old all without taking the lovely vicodin the doctor gave me for pain because 1) I'm pregnant and don't want to harm Pierce any more than i've already done today( he's fine they checked and currently sitting his 1lb behind on my sciatic nerve thus making him a literal 'pain in the butt') and 2) because it completely knocks me out and someone has to be able to feed/change/play with the milk monster. Sigh

I'm tired, cranky, pregnant and I really wanted to take Bel to her party. Plus now I won't even be able to have her other playgroup here on Friday because i have a doctors appointment to check my foot. I feel like crying....

UPDATED to add...I'm going to home to my parents...hopefully between me and Poppy we can keep track of Bel until Grandma gets home:)

1/2 way to Pierce....

Your pregnancy: 20 weeks

See the big picture

How your baby's growing:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)


So we are officially half way there and so totally not prepared. I know that sounds dumb but adding a new baby is terrifying, especially given the recent crabbiness of Bella and the fact the thought of having 2 cranky kids is REALLY SCARY.

He is a big boy and I feel like I'm in the middle of a growth spurt as I type. I'm betting at my next appointment ( 2/6) that I have gained at least 10lbs! Strangely it is all belly & boobies making it very hard to sleep or move or any of that 'normal' stuff! He is REALLY moving now. More so than the girls ever did. He's also camped out in the same spot Bel liked...booty on my belly button.. making my inny an outy at a very early stage in pregnancy!

I should have known it was a boy. This pregnancy has been so COMPLETELY different that I still wonder why I was surprised. Very little morning sickness that promptly ended at 16 weeks. I'm not as emotional, although I did cry at American Idol once last week, only to have Rick laugh hysterically at me. I am not super hungry( with the girls I ate ALL THE TIME) and haven't avoided much in the way of food, except for red meat but somehow that happens every pregnancy, so no surprise there. I did eat a whole box of rice-a-roni last night. My first pregnancy moment this go around. I was guilty though and called Rick...again met with laughter and an 'at least it wasn't a gallon of ice cream or whole pizza'. I'm not a health fanatic but a whole box is a little nuts...but a boy needs carbohydrates so I blame him and his Y chromosome! :)
I've craved lots of fruits, more pho ( same as with Bel), sushi ( although it is more the wasbi I NEED), and hot sauce. Lots and lots of hot sauce!

So we are halfway to Pierce. I am so excited to meet him. There is still so much to do to get ready for him but I know everything will fall into place as soon as he is here! I can;t wait to meet my little man. I've been told the love a mother has for her son is indescribable but I can't wait for my chance to try!

Hmmm Interesting...

So a friend wrote earlier about my post and my 'that kind of day'. It got me thinking as to why I am in this weird funk. Not happy not sad just in a zombie like state I can't quite wrap my head around.

Then I read THIS. And i realized that is EXACTLY what is wrong with me.

A 'what the hell have we done' moment. Don't get me wrong, we WANTED, planned, went back on my $600 a month out of pocket medicine to get to this baby, the only surprise that came with him was his penis..and we are still in shock about that, but I can't help but wonder if we have screwed up Bella's tiny world forever.

Right now she has us and our undying attention. With daddy at home it has gotten even worse.

I just wonder how we will ever manage to give that to Pierce too. I mean he deserves it. He deserves the constant attention too but if we give it to him are we taking away from Bella? How can we do both and still have time to sleep? I just don't know.

I already know I can love them both...my heart swells at the mention of either of them, plus I am lucky to still have a spot for Annelise, my angel.

It is the idea of time for both. Obviously Annelise is easy, she comes in my dreams, but to have enough time for Bel & Pierce seems daunting. I just don't know plus i sweat just thinking about it.

Anyhow...i read that article and at least now I know I am not the only one who feels her second one is already slighted from the get go. I guess mommy guilt never gets any better...ehh?

Do you ever have THOSE kind of days?

You know the kind of day where you feel like you have your underwear on backwards? Today was just one of those kind of days. Not good but not bad just something wasn't in order so to speak.

It started well...shower and I even blew dry my hair. A small miracle i might add but yesterday I cut off 5 inches bringing the weight and thickness of my hair to a manageable level. Turns out i go complacent. Surprise surprise. The everyday ponytail was starting to wear on my self esteem so off with my hair...pictures to come soon. It is now above my shoulders and un-ponytailable. That is probably where the day began to turn out weird.

Bella got dressed( in a dress that is much too short but i didn't realize it until she was already completely dressed in tights/shoes and bow, so she sported the mini dress look) and we headed to the mall for some indoor playtime. Great idea until i realized my oh so loving husband didn't take in all the junk out of the back of the car and a case of chicken stock fell on my toes. Lovely. So as Bella screamed and I jumped around the parking lot like a woman possessed I seriously contemplated getting back in the car and going home.

However I didn't. Instead I tried to pry out the stroller from out from under the crap ( bags to be donated) when they all came tumbling out on top of me, the stroller, and my already bruised foot.

So after a few choice words I got everything back in, Bella out, and headed on my way.

Only to find Nordstroms children's department is on the crappy side anymore. Is is just me or is all the clothes they carry weird looking...no bother going through the sale stuff...free wasn't even cute.

So I let Bel play in the mall and a big kid pushed her off the slide. I mean off the back of the slide on her head to a screaming/traumatised end. At which point his parents did nothing, so I told him he is not to touch anyone else or he will not be able to play. His mom wasn't happy with me but with a darting hormonal 'your 4 year old just pushed my kid don't mess with me ' mama look, she quickly backed away. Parents who don't 'parent' really annoy me. If Bel hit someone I'd be damn sure to discipline her and apologize for her behavior. Instead I held a screaming toddler while the un-parent let her kid run wild. Ridiculous.

Bella got over it with a ride on the carousel.

Then we went to put our stuff on hold for gymbuck time at gymboree. Bella made out like a bandit of course and when I got to the check out line the nice lady noticed how tired I looked and asked if I wanted to 'go ahead and just use my gymbucks today instead of coming back tomorrow'. Well OF COURSE! Great news until we headed back to the car to find a still had a gymbuck left. Maybe the boy will get to use this one!

So see it wasn't a bad day but a weird one...just one of those days...only it is just now 3pm and we still have a lot of day left to get through.

FYI! Bella cleaned out her closet!

In all the cleaning frenzy we found TONS ( 2 boxes to the consignment store, one to put on ebay and one to save for future nieces and that doesn't include what we saved for the new princess!! Yikes) of Bella's clothes that the new baby won't be able to wear. So....they are going on ebay!

Think Luli & Me dresses, loads of Gymboree, Ralph Lauren and other more 'boutique-y' brands
(Strausburg children, Sorbet, Petite Ami etc) . If you have a little girl who will be size 3-6 months this summer or 12 months or really anything in between then email me and I'll send you pictures/links. I'm all about them finding a good home and earning some $ to replenish the wardrobes of my little princess' but if I could save shipping by meeting you locals or even just ebay fees than bonus for both of us.

Everything on ebay was either barely worn or not at all. The rest went to Kid2Kid earlier today. ( Gymbucks start next week and Bella could use some spending money!) And my favorites or the very winter barely used stuff ( because we have no winter) were set aside in hopes of a new niece in the future...although a boy would be great too. Hint Hint!

There will be more posted very soon...so email me if you have a girl who needs summer clothes!

Return of the cupcake!

Ok...so Christmas is over and so is Bella's completely red/Santa wardrobe. She wore a Christmas outfit EVERYDAY from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas day and we are both sick of red! So while she's been back to her cupcake pink wardrobe for a week or so now... I am a little busy to post. However, this is our Bella-free weekend ( more on that later though) and I miss her so much I decided to peruse some pictures! So here is the official return of the cupcake wardrobe!! Also the beginning of 'big girl bows' no more headband bows for my big girl...sigh.

Yay! No more red!!



Happy girl!!


More to come in the weekend review...Friday was super busy with loads of fun and pictures so it will be fun to post that one but for now back to enjoy my Bellafree time!

Dear Toy Makers:

Can you please tell me why you insist on making toys for the under 4 crowd SO FREAKING BIG?

When they are tiny it is the bouncer, swing, exersaucer, and jump-a-roo that takes over your life. HUGE giant things that they tell you you need to have a well-rounded happy baby. Yeah right. I think it is just a ploy to make your house resemble toysrus.

So at 8-9 months you can clear out the giant 'baby things' but then come the toys. Toys that are huge and annoying. Why? Can't you make toys that don't go off in the middle of the night or take up tons of space? GRR.
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As you can probably tell we are in the midst of preparing for the onslaught of Santa. In order for Santa to bring new toys we must clean out the toys that are too young or that we don't play with...well that is how it will be done in our house anyway. So since we have a new baby coming in a few months we obviously didn't get to give any toys away. I was mortified to find out that just by getting rid of the toys for babies 12 months or younger ( not including the ones that have a 6-36 month age range) we filled 2 Rubbermaid containers with baby toys. 2! That is nuts. No wonder my house looks like tornado Bella came through.

Ugh. So we are cleaning out EVERYTHING in the next few weeks. Maybe it's nesting, perhaps it is just a realization we have too much stuff but either way it is happening. Rick's got tons of clothes, i have clothes that I know i'll never wear. Pretty much if it isn't maternity or isn't a 'favorite' then it is getting donated. Shoes included. I collect shoes( i mean that must be the reason i have so many) but rarely wear anything besides flip flops in the summer, tennis shoes, or my Merrel's. Although I did ask Santa for a pair of fun Ed Hardy shoes this year...maybe he'll deliver? Then it is on to the kitchen where the stuff that isn't used it going( think popcorn maker, dish sets we don't use anymore and random stuff like that)...good riddance. We have no space for anything and it doesn't make any sense. It would be different if we lived in a tiny house(and we have...we spent the first few years of our relationship in the 565 sq feet of fun apartment with a cat too) but we don't, we just have too much crap.

So it is a 'get rid of the extra crap' frenzy. As you can imagine Rick is not at all excited. I'm just glad to have sometime to get things in order and figure life out before the baby gets here. You'd think we have plenty of time, but with impending bed rest at 20 weeks, time is running out. I know I know...bed rest with a toddler is non-existent so say many prayers my placenta moves up and we don't have it to worry about. Apparently, it is more common for it to move then not so I have that on my side.
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Anyhow, back to my plea to toy makers. Please make smaller toys. Not everyone has a warehouse to store all your stuff and I for one am sick of Elmo Live screaming "help Elmo up" at all hours of the night.

Oh and after putting together the gifts from Rick's side of the family, another plea. Whose idea was it to use 9billion twisty ties and packing tape to hold a baby doll in a box. Obviously whichever overworked executive with this bright idea doesn't have kids, or hasn't had a conversation with their nanny. The impatient screams of a toddler will ring in your ears as it takes a good hour to release the baby from her packaging. Ugh...you morons.

Thanks-
Too Many Giant Toys in Texas

Doctor Doctor Doctor

So that has been the theme for this week. I went, Bella's gone, I went again. Ugh.

So baby is doing well. I had my regular appointment today and things look good. They even moved my due date up a week...yay! Also, Monday we had an ultrasound (you knew that though) and the lady told us girl. Today Dr. R said boy...so we still don't know. Which is good because we didn't want to know to begin with. I guess it is just one of those things. Everyone finds out these days so people just go blurting it out. I told Dr. R it was going to be a surprise and we didn't want it blurted out until June. So she agreed but laughed and said...I hope I can keep a secret. She's so funny. We found out about this time with Bella, crazy huh? So i'm not sure who to believe. I still think girl and Rick has changed to boy...so it is any ones guess!

I think we are coming closer to a girls name. Or at least narrowing the list down from 30 to 3-4. I'm really stuck though. I love Mallory, Emerson( we'll call her Emme), Sydney and Aubrianna. Rick loves Mackenzie, Claire( which we agree will be a nice middle name), and Madeline( but we won't call her Maddy). Caroline is still in the running, as is Amelia(Mia) and Lillian. Grr who knew it would be so hard. Okay so maybe we just narrowed it down to 10 or so. The boys name is still done, which is nice. Plus we both love it which is just a bonus.
At least we have a few more months to decide!

Bella made a trek to the doctor too. I guess we really wanted to test our new insurance policy. She has a cold, icky snot and barky cough. Nothing contagious just annoying. Hopefully she is on the upswing now. I love her doctor. Most of my playgroup uses the practice and I cannot say enough good things. He is just so...down to earth. He is nice and answers all my crazy overprotective paranoid first mom questions without laughing or looking down on me. He's full of useful information and overall just nice. I never feel rushed or anything. Good doctors are so hard to find...i feel lucky. An added bonus Bella loves his nurse. She is a doll and Bella lunges when she sees her, even though she is the one to give shots.

So since this is the week of doctors next week we are going to try and cut back. No doctor visits for any of us! We won't have time anyway! We have Christmas shopping and baking to do! Yay for the holidays!!

Pop Quiz

So in my stress induced insomnia i was watching the fan spin when I started doing some math....

I've been pregnant a lot....
Pregnancy 1...a boy lost at 11 weeks 5 days ( we had testing done and found out the sex)
Pregnancy 2...Annelise 33 weeks 3 days
Pregnancy 3...lost at 6 weeks 4 days
Pregnancy 4...Bella 37 weeks 1 day
and Pregnancy 5...Junebug 12 weeks and counting

Total so far is 100 weeks 6 days pregnant in 4 years...no wonder I am huge already.

That is a totally scary thought...of our 4 year marriage I have been pregnant almost 2 years of it. Yikes. I need cake. Chocolate cake. Lots of it. I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

Happy Anniversary Chachi!

In all the celebration with Bel it only briefly occurred to me that today is also the day we celebrate 4 wonderful years of wedded bliss.

For us we celebrate the day we met more than the wedding anniversary so it is no surprise the day went to Bel.

However in all that is sappy and hormonal...

Rick you are my best friend and the best father I could ever want for our daughter. You are funny, kind, charming, and still to this day there are moments where you completely take me by surprise. I don't know how or why we worked out, I don't believe in the soul mate thing, but I believe in you. I believe in us and what we have together. I believe in our family and how incredibly happy you make me everyday. Our house is filled with love, laughter, and constant sarcasm. You are a constant source of laughter and you always make the best of situations.You are an amazing gift and while we always say I love you, I know there are days where I forget to tell you how much you mean to me. You are everything I have ever dreamed in a man and the last 4 years have been wonderful...here's to many many more...

Love you Muah:)

Go Vote!!

Check out the poll on the right side of the screen...we need your help.

So we both like Annalee ( pronounced ON-A-LEE) but suddenly figured it might be too close to Annelise. (ANN-E-Lise) Not that it would be a bad thing just not sure if we want to trudge down that road. And the middle name is still up in the air but we have it down to 2 names...Claire or Kay. We have always liked the Lee, it is my sisters middle name and my great aunts but we don't like Lee by itself...it needs some pizazz you know!

We do have a boy name picked...it is a secret but we both LOVE it and it isn't Zane for all of you who knew that was our choice for Bella, should she have a penis. The middle name is Stephen but no big surprise there:)

So go vote and help us figure out this girl name thing...

Oh yeah and one more thing

We've come to a decision! A HUGE BIG TOTALLY out of character for us decision!

Junebug is going to be a SURPRISE!! Yep, everything from his/her name to his/her gender will have to wait until June!! Crazy huh?

See we are planners(ok so I am a planner). Complete planners but...

this just might be our last baby. Or at least the last baby that I spring out. So while we want more kids it will be at least 5 or so years after this one which is a long time to wait to start over again...so this just might be it. Who knows? We'll see if we feel like a 'complete' family after the baby gets here. If we do then great, if not then adoption has always been on our mind and such a great option!

Anyhow...we decided to wait and find out. My guess girl. Ricks guess girl also although I know he is hoping for a boy!

So that is our news...we are nuts but Junebug has caught us off-guard from the beginning so the guesses might as well keep on coming!


We are taking helpful hints on names. We have an idea of a boys name ( something with Stephen but no definite other than that) but no clue on a girl. Currently we are stuck on Amelia but will call her Mia...but neither of us is in love...you know? So if you hear any cool names send them our way...we don't have loads of time left to choose and coming from the people that took 9 months to buy a couch we need all the time we can get to name a kid!!

Life in general

is green. Yep, that is the only description I can think of. Bella is of course perfect, it is me who is green.

I've been every shade of green, sea foam ( not pretty but pre-bathroom floor), sort of mint which is my best green. That is when i can move and function without puking. Lime which is on the brink of puke...as in GET OUT OF MY WAY and watch your shoes. Then boogie green which is my standard green after I've ruined my shoes (or yours) in the parking lot of half price books. Yep, green is so not my color.

Thank God i am beyond being embarrassed or today would have been the most mortifying experience of my life. Bella and I went to baby group, always fun, and made a keepsake for her 1 year milestone. ( My anniversary gift from Rick, kinda lame since last year he gave me a baby:)!!) We left and i wanted, craved, NEEDED Whataburger. I HATE Whataburger but every time I am invaded by a hitchhiker I CRAVE it...maybe it is the extra x's hanging around ( total speculation but my guess is girl for this one too). So I drove 20 minutes out of my way to fulfill my NEED ( yes mom I NEEDED it not just wanted it, it was life or death i swear) and ended up by half price books, one of my favorite stores! I read A LOT, like 2-3 books a week, depending on how good they are and how busy i am with Bellabowz, so Half Price books is my friend. Though I really should get a library card. Anyway so we finished our lunch and headed to book shop. Only as soon as got Bel strapped in her stroller all hell broke loose in my tummy. I turned from mint to boogie green in a matter of seconds. So the only right thing to do was avoid Bella, i turned the other way and puked on an unsuspecting man's shoe & tire. More tire than shoe, thank GOD! Yes this is my life. He looked horrified but as the tears rolled down my face he was more mortified at dealing with an inconsolable crying puking woman with a baby. So as i apologized profusely while crying he RAN in the opposite direction.

Seriously...what do you say? I wish i could just hide until this all day sickness was over but since Bella likes her play dates and activity it really isn't an option. So far I've only had one day this week ( yes i know it is only Wednesday, don't remind me) where getting out of bed just wasn't going to happen. Thankfully Bel was having teeth issues that day and didn't feel like doing much either!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a mint green kind of day!

I'm kerflummoxed...

How could a tiny thing like June bug, I mean currently he/she is the size of a grain of rice, be able to make my life so horrible?

Grr...i have mentioned I am the worst pregnant person ever! EVER. I don't complain in real life, it just isn't worth it( no one wants to hear how awful it really is. They all want the being pregnant is the best gift, like rainbows and slippyslides). In real life with Bella I just hibernated the entire 9 months. I only surfaced for important things like work and some shopping, other than that i stayed in bed or with my head in the toilet. I puked driving to work, in every bathroom the building had to offer, and coming home from work. Then i would go to my bed and lay there and fall asleep around 7 everyday. Let me tell you I was buckets o'fun. On the weekends I would make Rick drive me to the lake so my mom and dad would take care of me, sad. Very sad.

How could i so easily forgotten how horrible it really was. Aside from being told i need to gain some weight and getting to eat desert when i felt like eating at all, there really was no up side. Believe it or not between losing 30lbs in the first and second trimesters I only gained 8lbs with Annelise ( she weighed 3lbs.5oz) and 9lbs with Bel( she weighed 8lbs.2oz). I was MUCH more sick with Bel but with the extra 45lbs of depression weight i gained between the 2 girls it wasn't such an issue to not gain a ton of weight!

So here we are again, crazy hormones, nausea and puking...am I an idiot? I signed myself up for this! Only this time Bel still requires a mommy so no hibernating for me....

7 years ago today...

I met the man of my dreams, only at the time I didn't know it.


I am still not sure how we ended up dating, married or parents together but sometimes you just have to trust that the Big Guy upstairs knows what he is doing!


Just to give you an idea, when Rick asked me out for the first time it went something like this:

R: Hey, I am leaving town tomorrow you want to grab dinner before I leave?
J: I don't do dates.
R: What do you mean?
J: I DON'T WANT OR NEED A BOYFRIEND. I don't do dates.
R: I JUST DON'T WANT TO EAT ALONE. I'll buy.
J: Fine, as long as you know I am just going with you for the free food.

Yep, we should have known then. Somehow, 7 years later life is still very similar to that very conversation only this time I wish we had time for dates:)

It has been an amazing adventure. All the ups & downs and the roller coaster is still going. Thankfully, we are belted in and ready for a long crazy ride!


Oh yeah and today is also Uncle Jeff's Birthday! Happy Birthday Jeff!!!

Hysterical!

On Uncle Jeff and Aunt Amanda's last night in town we all met ( Grandmom & Granddad too) at Jason's Deli for the send off. Rick loves jasons for the bonus ice cream and I think Bella does too...

This just made my day. This is so my girl...when i get emotional over her getting bigger it is because I want to hold on to this moment right now, how she is right now, this is my girl. I know the next day, month, year i will still love and want to hold on to her but right now, this is how i want to picture her forever. She is crazy fun, happy, loving, with big giant eyes and a belly laugh to make your heart melt...this picture...this is my girl, how I see her everyday. Thanks Amanda for capturing this for me...i know you didn't think anything of snapping a picture but this one in particular captures everything i want to remember 20 years down the road.
My sweet big bow baby Bella!